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Men, You Are Not Your Dick!

July 31, 2012

Now that I have your undivided attention. Oh yes, Coach Speaks is addressing that topic! This is primarily for my male readers, but I also know a lot of guys don’t like to read. So to all the beautiful women who also follow my blog, tweets, videos, and whatnot, please share this with the men in your lives – your brothers, uncles, males friends, brothers-in-law, every man in your life. I feel it is a discussion we can all benefit greatly from in our relationships involving a man. It could literally change their lives!

I did not use the word Dick for shock value. Well ok, maybe just a little. Hehe. But I really used it because I want you to feel the realness behind the subject matter, because, “Houston, we have a problem!” Many people have touched on this issue on some level. But most don’t seem to touch it from a very strong perspective.

So, we are talking about men who believe their dick is where it is at; guys who believe “if I put it down, she isn’t going anywhere.” Dudes who allow their dicks to define who they are as men. Yes, there are also women who use their sexual prowess and Yoni to gain and maintain control of a man (or woman), but the misogynistic dominance in today’s world has placed men and their sexuality on the leading edge, though I personally believe women are way more sexual creatures than men, and for longer periods throughout the course of a lifetime. For analogy’s sake, women are marathoners while men are sprinters. For many centuries now, women have been forced to suppress their thoughts, feelings, and stance on sexual liberation, and my, are things a changin’ now! There have been a few trailblazers in recent decades who pushed the envelope and set the stage and tone for what we are seeing today.

Women, I think it’s pretty obvious today that using your yoni in this way doesn’t really work with men. Have you heard the newly released song by Brandy ft. Chris Brown entitled “Put It Down”.  A part of the lyrics say, “umma put it down, you gone fall in Love”.  This is silly. This string of lyrics alone proves the existence of the perpetuating belief that one can win and/or control another with the use of “good” sex.  And we continue to allow pop culture to drill this foolery into the psyche of our youth using the art of music – ughh! Since we identify with our bodies so strongly, as a society have we come to believe (and perhaps have for centuries) that good sex can make someone fall in Love with us?? Really?! Stop it!  That is a ridiculous notion! Now what good sex can do is create a sexual – and sometimes addictive and dependent bond between two people – one that most often fades away with time. Why? Well, it’s pretty simple. Because it wasn’t Real to begin with. But what an antiquated and prehistoric way of thinking! Men have thought this way for a very long time, and it’s time for us to stop. Women have also sought out men who were great in bed, thinking that was the key to her happiness…well perhaps in the bedroom it is, but we know that doesn’t last forever, and the large majority of us are seeking something deeper. Attempting to keep her attention this way is futile, and it has never been the truth! Trust, as soon as someone comes along and feeds her mind in ways that you are are not capable of, you will eventually lose her; perhaps not physically right away, but she will eventually check out on you mentally and emotionally, while you’re still profiling in the mirror measuring your cock and thinking about to yourself ‘how good you put it on her’ last night. SMH. Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that it isn’t important that you know how to “work the middle”, because it is very important that we seek to understand how to please our partners sexually. But, what I am saying is, you have to bring a lot more than that to the table if you expect to keep the attention of a real woman; a woman with any real depth. I refuse to believe that we as men do not possess the ability to go deep in a relationship, but I will admit that perhaps we lack a knowing or understanding of how. Maybe we fear having a deep communion with a woman because it can make us vulnerable. We dodge going deep because perhaps there is a fear of not being able to play around anymore. Because most of us want to remain available for the next best piece of a$$ that comes along, so we never fully commit. We always have one foot in the door and one foot out. How many of us are willing to admit this, though? I reiterate, women are not exempt from this mindset, but more men are on this wavelength than are women.

Women have grown tired of this mentality, gentlemen, and it is evident today in the state of the quality of our relationships with them. It is no secret that women are highly emotional creatures, and until we learn (or care enough to learn) how to connect with them more than just inside the bedroom, the road to establishing good, healthy, deep, lasting, and satisfying relationships with them is going to continue to be a very bumpy one. If you are wondering why she is spending so much time with her girls or that other guy who has been her friend for all these years, it is because they “get her” on a level that you haven’t taken the time to. But, you are very capable of it, if only you are willing to tap into your feminine energy just a little, and discard the conditioning of your past. Don’t be afraid, it’s not going to make you “soft” or turn you gay. That is complete nonsense!

Most of you who may read this don’t know me personally, but I have been a man my entire life; 100% male. Nope, no sex changes. :-) I say this in jest, but also to emphasize the fact that I have been around a number of men over the course of my life, and I have also been around myself for let’s see ummmm…well let’s just say quite a few years as well. :-) But I’ve not always been totally aware of this issue on the level that I am today. As a young boy, I spent a lot of time in the streets and was mentored by the older guys in my neighborhood. My parents were not completely loose with me, but being that I grew up in a small community, certain things were accepted than in bigger cities. I was taught (from the streets) that the way to get a woman, and keep her, is to sex her down real good. This may appall many of you, but I must have been 9, 10 years old, and yes, this is what I was being taught by other teenage boys. I have a 10 year-old Sun now, and I cannot imagine if he was learning what I did at his age! Oh my gawd! And if my mother knew this (GOD bless her sweet little heart), it would just crush her to pieces. So please, be kind and don’t forward her this link. Not that she would know what to do with it anyway with her lack of computer savvy lol. And for you wise guys who might want to try and drop a hard copy in the mail, I’m watching you! hehe.

Growing up in the era I did, many parents were not as open and straightforward about the ‘birds and the bees’ talk as we are today with our kids; it was sort of taboo, I guess. All they would say was, “you’d better not bring any babies up in my house!” I don’t think they quite knew how to express such uncomfortable thoughts to us; nor did their parents to them. Each generation of parents has to learn the best mode of communicating for their children. Shute, today we have to go IN on our kids (poor things) because we feel there is so much out there we have to protect them from. Our parents used religion and fear instead of communication in a lot of cases. The only thing they communicated was the fear of GOD, fear of hell, and fear of a belt/whip/stick/switch/extension cord/or whatever was within reach to our asses to get us to do what they thought was right! So, I learned a lot of what I knew (or what little I knew actually) about girls and sex at a very young age, and basically in the streets. WARNING: WRONG PLACE TO LEARN THIS! What was even worse, you could get the very same advice from an older brother, cousin, or even an uncle! They all had the same basic mentality.

So yes, these dudes instructed me on how to please a girl sexually, how to get her to orgasm and the importance of it, how to tell if she was faking it or not, even how to convince her to give me oral sex. And they further told me that if I “did it right”, I could get her to do just about anything for me, including buying me things, sneaking me into her parent’s home, and even lie to her parents on my behalf. Sad, huh? Like, why did I need to know all of this beginning at the age of 10?! Like most kids at that age, I was already afraid of approaching girls anyway. Getting your first ‘piece’ was a part of your initiation in the hood, as crazy as that may sound. Whenever you hooked up with a girl and came back on the block, everybody wanted to know how it went, and they would ask, “did you hit it? Did you make her feel good?” I was always a little uncomfortable with these questions/conversations. But I couldn’t dare let them know it or else I would lose mad “street cred”. You can see how all of this can easily lead a young man to believing his penis is where his true power lies to win, keep, and control a woman.

My reasons for sharing this with you are three-fold: 1) ladies, I want you all to have a better understanding of the conditioning (abuse) many men in your generation may have received as young boys (and even as young men), much of which probably needs to be undone; 2) I want to provide my guys with a bit of guidance and insight so that the women in their lives – as well as themselves – can enjoy deeper, more fulfilling and lasting relationships; and 3) for my dudes to finally realise that no matter how big or good (you think) your dick is, how well you think you “put it down”, she wants far more from you than your dick can ever offer, bruh – she wants a connection with you. Squash the egotistical bullshit, and attempt to make a real connection with her, beyond just sex. You just might be surprised at how wonderful it feels; it can free you from undue pressure placed on yourself.

Now, learning how to do this might require some additional coaching, and well, that’s another issue. But make sure it is your desire to, first. If monogamy isn’t what you want, that is fine; just tell her that. Hell, she may not want that either, and your honesty can open the door for her to be equally as honest with you.

The morale of this story is: You are far more than just your dick; and you have so much more to offer her than just a piece of your flesh. It is only a means used to express a much deeper part of you, a part that perhaps you haven’t even met yet.


20 bradfordspoke 12

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